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From a Parts Work perspective all Parts are created to help you adapt to a stressor or environment. Learning the context that your Parts were created in, whether it be your childhood family dynamics or early impactful relationships, is important for getting to the root cause of issues. We cannot change something before we understand where it comes from. Attachment theory is one tool we will use to better understand the “why” behind the issues you would like to change.
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Attachment theory studies how early relationships with important caregivers impact someone’s mental health and relationships throughout their life. In short: your past relationships impact your current relationships. Learn more about Attachment-based therapy here.
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The short answer: It depends on which relationship you are asking about. Most people experience multiple attachment styles at once. You may feel securely attached to your best friend but anxiously attached to your romantic partner. We can map out your attachment styles together and work towards an earned secure attachment style in your relationships.
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Absolutely. Outdated research stated that your attachment style was static meaning that you were “locked in” after your first few years of early childhood. We now understand that your attachment style evolves and you may have a different attachment styles at different times or relationships in your life. So if you took an online quiz and it told you that you had an avoidant attachment style -there is still hope for you.
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Earned-secure attachment style means that at one point in your life you held an insecure attachment style (avoidant, anxious, disorganized) due to unmet needs in an impactful relationship. Then, through personal reflection and interpersonal work, you developed a secure attachment style. The process of developing an earned secure attachment teaches you valuable skills for maintaining lifelong relationships. Earned secure attachment is correlated with longer lasting relationships and higher reports of relationship satisfaction.
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Wonderful - I believe you! This is not a space where we will rely on the simplistic stereotype of “everything goes back to your relationship with your Mother.”
Nuance will be a big part of our work together. We can explore unmet attachment needs in supportive and loving family environments. Even the most responsive parents will drop the ball from time to time. Giving you space to talk about these small misalignments allows you to learn valuable emotional expression and regulation skills. Additionally, because you can hold multiple attachment styles at once you may be securely attached to your parents and still hold an insecure attachment (avoidant, anxious, disorganized) with your romantic partner. We can talk about all of this while holding gratitude for the safe and secure home your parents provided you.